STARTOVER.XYZ - The Game
NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the massively-multiplayer online-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade personal-transformation game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. Please read this website responsibly. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness. No one can do this for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Our theory is that when we collectively build one million more Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code WHITEWID.00 to log your Matrix Points earned at this website on the Login Page. Thank you for playing full out!
STARR - Widow Strategy
Sexuality and Gremlin Practice - White Widow Healing
The term 'White Widow' is the name Possibility Management has adopted to distinguish the Box survival strategy #2 which uses sexual energy to control and manipulate the environment to make it safe. This is not bad. It is not good either. It has certain consequences.
As a little girl you found that if you sat in daddy’s lap and squirmed around happily in certain ways… or, as a little boy you found that if you nuzzled your mom’s body, played with her hair, flirted with her, being a 'good boy' and mixing your sexual energies… you were safe and easily got almost whatever you wanted, and less abusive attention.
Both men and women can become White Widows. The Capitalist Patriarchal Empire tends to force more women than men to take on the White Widow strategy.
Sexual energy exchange was key to your success and it became an unconscious tool woven into your survival strategy. Now you flirt without thinking it is flirting. By exchanging subtle sexual substances with others your life seems easeful and fun, although the partners you attract also probably flirt unconsciously and this could eventually bring your own flirting to your attention.
Your habitual sexual energy enmeshment with others is difficult to change because it first must be made conscious. The only real way to make it conscious is by completely stopping it. To succeed in stopping requires being in a transformational healing environment held with enough safety and clarity to navigate you through a year or more of liquid states not knowing who you are or how to relate with other people.
You are no longer 18 years old. The White Widow strategy has allowed you to survive and has now become your prison. You are using this strategy with the people you love. Sexual energy exchange, enmeshment and manipulation strategies are co-opted by your Gremlin to serve Shadow Principles and this blocks you from adult intimacy. This is devastating.
The term 'Black Widow' is the name that Possibility Management has given to the Box survival strategy of a person who has been sexually abused and has dedicated their life purpose to the shadow purpose of Revenge. Black Widows live to kill and destroy. This is an understandable, but desperate strategy.
Being sexually abused as a child can range anywhere from your mother or a babysitter playing with your penis while changing your diaper, to your brother or an uncle sneaking into your bedroom at night and touching you or raping you. Sexual abuse creates massive confusion in your Being about who you are, who to trust, who owns your body, how to make boundaries that work, what you can tell others or must keep secret under threat of great harm, and what experiences may feel good, but also actually hurt.
Sexual abuse forces you to engage in sexual energy interactions at an inappropriate time in your development. As a result, you direct your sexual energy talents to both protect yourself and also to obtain the most excruciating revenge possible. You
incorporate sexually abusing others into your survival strategy. You live in your Underworld.
A Black Widow woman typically wears skin-tight shiny-black leggings with high heels, amplifies her cleavage, and does whatever it takes to steal the attention of men in the Capitalist Patriarchal Empire and make them drool even if (especially if...) they are walking arm-in-arm with their wife. When they strut down the street or move lithely through spaces most men have already lost their center and their balls. The Black Widow uses men like a tampon, tossing them bloody into the gutter after use.
A Black Widow woman also uses sexual energy towards other women, charming them into thinking they are on the same team while secretly competing with them. The Black Widow woman will gather any evidence to kill and destroy other women and "win" the man.
The Black Widow condition is unfortunately rather final. Black Widows do not come to personal development trainings because they believe that getting revenge is all that they have to live for. They are so completely identified with the Black Widow survival strategy that they are afraid nothing else is possible. There is no ground for the Being to stand on, so initiatory processes do not work. Gremlin runs their life and will not sacrifice vengeance as its food.
Because there was unconscious sexual energy around you as a child you incorporate it into your survival strategy to a high degree but you do not dedicate your life to revenge. You do not hate the opposite sex. People spot you a mile away as sexually attractive.
They want to use you in advertising films, or to take photos of you to look at later for masturbating. People may not be able to resist looking at you. Strangers may compliment your eyes, your smile, or your laughter as a way to get your attention because even if you just glance at them it is almost enough to cause an orgasm. You may be using sex and flirtation as a way to keep your job, to keep your partner around, and to transform possible aggressors by insinuating “if you are nice to me you might get sex from me.” It works so well that sexual energy becomes a predominant characteristic of your life. You may find yourself working in some part of the entertainment or fashion industry where sexual energy is the “coin of the realm” even if your Being might have other interests.
In the case of a woman Grey Widow, she does not feel safe unless she is the sex goddess of the group. If the men don't bow down to her, she does not know how to interact with them. If other women come along, it is a "kill or compete" situation.
The Grey Widow is more human than a Black Widow but can eat White Widows for breakfast. It is the in-between case. A Grey Widow who longs for authentic life may attend personal development trainings, but need either a lot of courage or a lot of despair because learning to live without the defense strategy is a huge sacrifice.
At the level of your body's knowledge, you already know everything I am going to say about psychic sex.
The consideration of psychic sex has nothing to do with interpretations of right and wrong, or good and bad – psychic sex is not a moral issue. We are not speaking about “should” or “should not.” Psychic sex is about physics. The laws of psychic sex become significant as soon as you discover that what you thought was almost nothing in fact leaves a long-lasting, powerful, energetic residue – a stain on your psychic bed sheets, so to speak. You take notice of psychic sex as soon as you feel the depth to which psychic sex entangles you with other people.
You don't realize it, but your casual involvement with other is actually psychic sex. These interactions are so common personally and so rampant culturally that until you understand what is actually going on it goes almost unnoticed.
When you become sensitive enough, unwanted psychic sexual interactions are suddenly experienced as an interference in your life, perhaps even as contamination. Only at that point will you be motivated to make the sacrifices and efforts necessary to shift your behaviour. Only when you know the true costs will you willingly suffer the discomforts of changing your unconscious habits.
It will gradually dawn on you that you have been unconsciously or semi-consciously exchanging energetic sexual “substances” with members of the opposite sex (or possibly of the same sex) – a momentary glance, a shared smile – for almost as long as you can remember. These exchanges create tentacles of energetic leakage into other people's space. When you let someone else's tentacle into your energetic space, it is almost impossible to get rid of.
The seeming innocence of a momentary glance will vanish when you experience what you are truly creating for yourself and others. Shared smiles will take on a devastating implication. No longer will the fleeting fantasy of full or partial nakedness leave such a sweet after-taste upon your nervous system. When you start to feel the true impact of psychic sex in your life, it can be a shattering realization. Things will no longer stay the same.
What is Psychic Sex?
Think back and remember the last time you were strolling along a shopping mall or through the center of town. Part of your mind was occupied with thinking about what you intend to accomplish, whether it is window shopping for shoes, or remembering to pick up a bottle of shampoo.
Though most of your conscious attention may be involved in these intellectual considerations, a deeper and more broad-band “animal” part of your mind is scanning the environment for a possible partner with whom to exchange sexual substances. Unless you consciously stop scanning the sex channel, it happens automatically. Unless you intentionally override the program, it proceeds to unerringly complete its designed purposes.
You notice when someone else notices you. Others notice when you notice them. If the mutual noticing of each other, which can occur in an instant, reveals a ripeness of conditions, then shhwinggg, the deal is done. It is a momentary zzzztt through the eyes. Briefly imagined possibilities flit through the imagination, and it is accomplished.
You know what I am talking about.
Psychic Sex Is An Addiction.
Addiction comes from a lack of connection.
The White Widow strategy prevents you from authentic nurishing connection. It is a self-perpetuating circle, until you put a monkey wrench in the gears.
Johann Hari - Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong
The intensity of enmeshment is NOT the intensity of authentic Being to Being connection. As a White Widow, you are used to the intensity of sexual energy exchange, enmeshment, giving your center away, and so on. You get into people's space, you let people into your space and your Gremlin loves it. This kind of intimacy reaches a particularly high level of intensity. We see it with Romeo and Juliet: this is what Modern Culture depicts as intimacy. It is insane.
Once you start the "White Widow Experiment" for 1-2 years and stop all sexual energy exchanges, you will enter a Gap of Boring. This is the Gap between the intensity of enmeshment and the intensity of adult intimacy. You are healing from the damages of not having integrity in your energetic body. During this period of time called the Gap of Boring, your Gremlin will find all sorts of clever ways to turn this experiment into a feeding frenzy.
For example: your Gremlin can use this experiment as an excuse to isolate yourself from people around you. It can cut you off from your sexual energy, instead of circulating it in all 5 bodies. Gremlin might make this experiment into a rule so that you feel guilty when you speak to a person of the opposite sex during this experiment, even if only for logistics.
This Gap can last for 3 to 12 months. During this time, it is important that you have clarity about which intimate interactions you are refraining from doing, and which replacement practices you are engaging in. These practices will be different for everyone. It is important to have clarity about your Gremlin, what it is doing and to give it entertaining jobs to do to help you on your path of evolution. Otherwise, your Gremlin will lash out and the experiment will not go anywhere.
Whether you are wondering if you, your partner or a total stranger is a White Widow, the procedure is the same.
For Female White Widow
A White Widow sits across from the authority figure in a training, course, workshop, classroom, ... Often legs or mouth open circulating the sexual energy between her and the authority figure.
A White Widow always surrounds herself with 3,4,5,6 men around at a party. She drinks from their glasses and offers her glass for them to drink from it. She dances with every man she decides to be attractive to - whether they are in a relationship and the woman is in the room or not.
A White Widow imperceptibly and regularly touches men, their elbows, their arms, their waist when passing by them or sitting next to them at a dinner party.
A female White Widow wears cleavage, see-through top, short skirts, high heels, skin tight pant, red lipsticks and such.
A White Widow uses any tactic she can to attract men's attention: being late, asking irrelevant questions, making side comments, any excuses to come talk to the teacher at the end of the lesson, or the boss at the end of the day.
A White Widow usually do not have authentic friendship either with men or with women. Their friendship with men is ambiguous, which confuses their male friends. Withe Widow will often find themselves in situation where their male friends have 'fallen in love' with them. White Widow sends two contradictory messages: one full of sexual energy attracting the man in her web, the other, intellectual says 'I just want to be friends'. Male friends usually go away confused or stick around and let themselves be played with.
Their friendship with women is ambiguous. White Widows usually have some women friends that are not White Widows. The competition for male attention between White Widows is fierce. White Widows betray, triangulate, gossip to undermine any other woman in their way. White Widows have for goal to attract all masculine energy; how do you think their girlfriends take it?
For Male White Widow
coming soon and read A Story of Convalescence below
This letter might come as a surprise to you. Well, I just felt the urge to send these lines to you and share some of my insights and experiences of the last few months.
But let me start from the beginning (which, looking back, was rather like an end). It was about two years ago. I participated in your training (it must have been my sixth or seventh training), and, maybe you remember, my process was about my stories going on with women and sex. It was my toughest and most persistent and lasting process so far. When after an eternity the training was finally over, it didn’t feel like any “endings” I experienced before. Before, [after a training] there was always this relief, a new vision, a clarity, something got healed. This time I felt like I’d been annihilated. I felt so miserable that I wasn’t even able to drive home. Fortunately another man stayed with me and took over the job of driving the car.
During the next 2-3 months, although still feeling miserable, I did as you suggested: I didn’t connect in any way with women, neither women-friends I knew from before nor the unknown woman at the counter of a shop. No eye contact, nothing! It felt horrible, but I somehow knew that that was the only right thing to do. Somehow, that was the easy part, the logical understandable steps on the way. The difficult, frightening part of it was that this process scattered my whole life-plan, my whole story, a story about me, which I thought so far was true and more or less ok! This identity was gone, completely, only some fragments left here and there. I was in a big despair, in the middle of a nightmare: the old identity didn’t work anymore, most of it wasn’t even there anymore, and besides that, there was just this void. During these months I hated you. I was convinced, that you had made a big mistake, that you had gone too far, that you lost all respect and in a sadistic way enjoyed “killing” me. As a result I decided to never do another training, to look for something nice and gentle. I quit my long-term training program and withdrew from my spiritual path.
So far this was a description of my internal emotional process. What happened on the outside is that I really was not able anymore to live the way I did before. During my process you said: “Mister, the game is over!” I didn’t get it then, but I got it much, much later! The women / sex – game was (and still is) definitely over!
During the 18 months afterwards, it was like a pendulum had swung from one extreme to the opposite extreme. I didn’t have any contact at all in the first few months, then slowly started to meet women once in awhile, but still staying very distanced and cautious. I really began to think that this was going to be my new style of life: the u-turn from the womanizer I used to be into a monk.
Now, in August 2001, things are different again. The pendulum found a balance! I’m in love with a wonderful woman. We met about 9 months ago for the first time, then met maybe every second week in the beginning, both being very cautious and respectful. By now we meet nearly daily, and, this really sounds incredible, since about a week or so we hold hands once in a while. Two years ago this idea of a very slow, gentle approach was just not part of my imagination. It was about going to bed with a woman as fast as possible, and then (maybe) starting to get to know the person.
It’s the complete opposite now. We talk and talk for hours, have wonderful walks in nature, and we just are both so fully nurtured with that. There’s nothing missing! It’s so beautiful. I feel like a 14-year old adolescent, being in love with a girl for the first time.
Only now, looking back, I realize how fucked up in relation to relationship, women, and intimacy I was. I am so grateful that things have changed into such a positive way. And I must admit, it’s thanks to you. You were the midwife of this much saner person I am now! No one else had the courage, the knowledge, the strength and the stubbornness to beat “me” with such a heavy club. With “me” I talk about all my destructive, egoistic, hurting, isolating mechanisms going on. I really feel like I am being healed on a very deep level. Like for the first time I can see what intimacy really means. I’m so grateful and happy you’ve shown up in my life and hit me so hard. It was absolutely necessary, and who knows, without your smack, I would probably still be on this very self-destructive track.
By the way, two months ago I finished my long-term training (with a little delay), I joined another training in spring, and I joined a men’s group again! I am also much closer again to my spiritual path.
I am looking forward to see you again some day. With deepest respect,
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.05
NOTICE WHEN YOU TRY TO GET INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S BUBBLE
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.06
LEARN TO SAY STOP TO UNCONSCIOUS SEXUAL ENERGY.
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.06
BREAK HIS NOSE.
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.07